I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
