she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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