i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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