You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
