i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it's like iHOP with fire
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
