Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
