Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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