somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
