At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
