He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
