plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
