Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
