Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
