Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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