I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
