i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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