I must be too annoying 4 u.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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