Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
