roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
