I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
