my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
