My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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