So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
