Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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