I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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