He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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