I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i love accidental penises.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
