I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
