If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Every concussion has its silver lining
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
