So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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