M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
