i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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