So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The cops high fived after they tackled you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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