YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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