she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
