You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
