Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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