Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
