first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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