After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
