Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
