And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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