I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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