i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
