paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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