I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
