eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
