I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
