Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
