im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
