I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
