I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
